Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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