Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
