Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
