dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize