saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
