I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
