So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
