I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
