i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
