Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
