i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
