she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
