oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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