Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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