I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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