Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
