those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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