I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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