You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
