dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
