2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
