Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Someone shit on the floor
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dick very happy bro
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
