Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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