i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
