I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
