Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
