Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
