She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish i was in the wii world.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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