Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
