you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
