There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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