summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so let's talk penis.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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