I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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