Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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