Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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