butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
