took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
