someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
