she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize