you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
