A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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