you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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