I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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