i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
