He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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