so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
