jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize