why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
