South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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