My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
