she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
