Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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