you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
