is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
