Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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