my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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