I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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