He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
