just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
