Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
