there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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