I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I party with great urgency now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
