The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
