He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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