I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
