Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
