mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
