I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
