its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
