mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
