I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
