Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
