your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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