I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
