drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
