Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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