you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
