Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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