I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
