obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
