My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
