five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
