Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
