There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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