What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
