But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
